I know that my blog posts are so spaced out, and I really apologize. We have been without a computer for several weeks now. We’ve had three computers die on us over the course of the summer, and it’s just been the dumbest thing. So I am reduced to blogging in my spare time at work.
Anyways, one day I will get to the real meat of the Break All My Bones series on here, but here is some more of that.
Fear is something that has always ruled my life, and just recently has God really been pulling that out of me by it’s bloody root. To help my mind accept that living in fear is not living at all, I ordered some vinyl lettering from my job and put it up on the bedroom wall right next to my bed. This stuff is big, bold, and and blunt. It’s the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning, and the last thing I see when I go to bed.
IT IS THE TRUTH. It is reality. And it is helping me immensely.
What keeps you from living life with joy, peace, passion and rest?
It’s astounding, once I am sober- minded, to think about the thoughts I had prior that I would use to justify the propitiation of sin.
And by sober-minded, I mean having repented of deep, dark sins, leaving me clear- headed. Like a blindfold taken off of my eyes.
Seriously though, let’s really think about this. When we are completely consumed with the chase of earthly joys, we are drunk in sin, running aimlessly about, never really catching what we want. We stumble around without any clear vision or realization of how much we are hurting ourselves, and it is only until we wake up the next morning, with a massive headache, that we realize the bruises on our arms and the cuts on our feet.
I haven’t been doing very well with the coffee. I wrote a few weeks ago about giving up coffee because it had become an idol, but one does not simply kick over a golden calf, destroying it with one pathetic push (especially if it is not truly repented of). Remember how much work it took to build it?
Same with food.
And with spending money.
And with wanting a fairy-tale marriage.
I’ve been really sick the past few days. I actually cannot think of another time in my life when a sore throat was this painful. My body aches, and my face is draining slowly. All of this led me to sit down with a cup of very hot tea this morning while Abram was taking a nap, and dive into God’s arms. Putting the pain of my flesh aside, it was incredibly restful. I heard deep, deep down within my soul the holy spirit asking me why I keep chasing these things. We simply started conversing. I was reminded of why I permanently had the word “Beloved” tattooed on my wrist, the reason there is a tree with vines on my shoulder, and a sparrow that rests on the skin below my ear.
Oh yea. I forgot about those.
I then felt lead into a much needed time of repentance, where I desperately yet fearlessly let these idols of coffee, food, money and marriage go. With each sin repented of, I followed it with the request that God would break the chains and set me free. Very deep, relieving breaths followed.
I tell ya, there’s nothing different from those moments this morning to the moments I sit in this afternoon. My throat is still in excruciating pain, and my bones still ache. But I feel free-er, stronger. Ready to fill this clean-out body and soul of mine with something better, more joy-everlasting.
I even had a plate of broccoli for lunch…. because I wanted to.
But let me just say this, and please pay attention: We, as humans, are by no means one time fixes. I am repented of and free from those idols and sins in this moment right now, but the second I turn my gaze away from Christ and onto something else, I gladly open my door to sin that does not belong in me. And it is so easy to shift our gaze, when we are not constantly and deliberately seeking after and spending time with Him, asking Him to pursue us even more.
Is this where you find yourself today? Drunk in sin, getting no where and feeling miserable? I don’t care where you are right now or how important your “task” is at the moment. If you are like me today, then stop what you are doing RIGHT NOW and go rest in God. Let him heal and free you.
I confidently say that nothing else could possibly be more important.