Spilling Buttons.

A few nights ago while walking into my craft room, I knocked a jar full of buttons off of one of the tables accidentally. The lid wasn’t completely on and the buttons spilled everywhere. My immediate feeling was that of annoyance and a robotic-like desire to clean it up. But something stopped me, and I just looked at it. I must have looked at the buttons and the jar spread across the floor for 5 minutes. An illustration filled my mind. A picture being painted across my craft room floor that looked very similar to my soul’s current state.

Lately, my soul has just been knocked off it’s comfy hiding place and has been spilling out everywhere.

The more Daniel and I feel led to lead, and the more and more God pushes us to bigger things, great is the fear and anxiety that consumes me.

And I’m really starting to see that I cannot be a jar that tries to hold all kinds of buttons. I cannot have the holy spirit trying to fulfill its work inside of me but also have all of the past traumas, sins, memories and regrets. All of these buttons are eventually going to spill out and make a mess (as they have done).

God knocked me over a few weeks ago and it’s been some kind of awful ever since. The beauty of who I am is stifled because of what I choose to define myself by. I haven’t processed, accepted and let go of so many things. The fear and the anxiety are only symptoms of the deeper problem.

The night that God knocked me over I decided that I’ve had enough. I want to be able to watch a tv show with my husband without gasping for breath. I want to be able to let Titan in the backyard without this crazy need to lock the door. I want to be able to go up to a broken sojourner at church and make them feel welcome. I want to love my neighbor SO BAD. I don’t want to worship my family. I want to worship God and have an overflow of love for my family. I don’t want to worship safety. I want to trust in God so much that it compels me to abandon common sense sometimes.

These days have been yucky. The process of digging, exposing and pulling out of sin and buried memories is a violent affair. It looks terrible. It looks like screaming and ugly tears and cigarettes and migraines and exhaustion.

But each painful time it happens, I can breath just a little deeper. My vision becomes a little less cloudy, and the mission is more clear.

If you buy into the lie that in the moment of salvation comes complete sanctification, and are trying so hard to live like you are perfect, then please. STOP. This life that you have chosen to live, the God that you have chosen to follow, is HARD. It is messy. It is painful and often lonely. Suffering is inevitable but also a blessing, because it has an enormous purpose. The bigger the dreams you have, the more God is going to rip the nasty stuff out of you, so ACCEPT IT. It’s an incredible act of love that frees us up do to incredible things. To be big creators. To give, and to give and to keep giving. And ultimately to make room for only Him.

Be encouraged.


Music has played a big part of what I have been becoming for as long as I can remember.

I was recklessly unafraid to share that part of me when I was very young, as my family members can testify to. There wasn’t a family gathering that didn’t include me putting on a show of either songs I liked or one that I wrote and it ALWAYS involved a costume.

Something happened along the way to where I am now that changed all that, and I have been fighting it ever since.

When did I become so afraid to sing? What happened that stifled this part of me?

I can think of many instances and situations over my teenage and adult years that brought about this strong withholding of who I am. I mean, I could spell them out for you but that really isn’t the point of this post. To revisit those painful experiences which ultimately became excuses is not where I need to go. Because that is all they were: EXCUSES.

I want to tell you about a musician that has brought about inspiration and even healing for me over the past 4 years.

The first time I heard Audrey Assad I about fell to pieces in the pew I was sitting on. This ordinary and yet so graceful women sat at the grand piano and played those keys as easy as she was breathing. Her voice I have always described as dove chocolate. Or if you could liken her voice to an instrument, it would be the violin, cutting deep and right to the core of you in such a soft and beautiful way. It was like all of a sudden I was reminded that I could do that, I could sing. I cried through a few of her songs because I was ashamed of who I had become; a musical hermit.

The song that started the change in my heart, “Known,” is a song about her intimate relationship with God. She uses similes like, “and as the swallow knows, she knows the sky…” to paint a picture of how well He knows us. This song was ultimately a big part of my spiritual awakening and healing, and if you go and listen to it, you will see why.

Over the years as I have been searching, healing and writing, her songs have stayed with me and I listen to them often to find encouragement. During this recent Christmas season her song “Winter Snow” played several times on one of the local radio stations and each time I heard it I would get teary-eyed, mostly because I was happy that her song was on the radio. That meant other people were hearing her too and perhaps feeling just as inspired as I.

She is about to release her new Album “Heart” this coming February 14th. In the album trailer, she goes into detail about some of the songs she wrote and how they came about. Please go watch this video. If you are ANYTHING like me, it will enlighten and encourage your day.

So where am I currently in my song writing and sharing adventure?

I’m definitely writing. A LOT. And I’m not trying to write what I think people will want to hear. I used to do that every time I sat down to write a song, which just ended up creating a huge block that I couldn’t figure out how to break. Luckily one of my very best friends had the courage to lovingly tell me to get over my ridiculousness and just play and sing whatever I want. That has stuck with me. I will need to do a whole new music post on the lovely Genie Uribe.

I’ve been writing much about fear and what it does to my visions and dreams, and even how it plays out in the practicality of my every day life. But I will say that I cannot WAIT to begin the process of sharing my music with others and on here with my readers.

What are some of the things you know you were created to do, and what about life has tried to stifle that part of you?

Well, Finally.

Hey there. My name is Megan Lee Webb. I am soon to be 25 years old, I have a smokin’ hot husband named Dan (I like to call him Manly Danly) and one handsome 9 month old son named Abram (you can call him Abe the Babe)….

And this is my first official Jude and the Walrus blog post.

I’m going to start this off by pointing out a major flaw in myself that you will quickly come to learn of me. Hopefully you will be gracious readers.

I am afraid of pretty much everything. But as I’ve said a lot lately, I’m tired of being scared. This life is worth living, and fear isn’t helping me live it at all.

So back in August, I started my very tiny business.

Why Jude and the Walrus, you ask?

Well two friends of mine with a very cute little girl have everything to do with it. Her name is Jude, and when they were teaching her the basics of speech and such they would ask her, “Hey Jude, what sound does a walrus make?” She would reply, “CooCooCachoo!” (a Beatles reference if you were unsure).

What is Jude and the Walrus?

I’m not really sure. It started out as a small venture into the world of hair accessories. I realized one day that I love, and am really good at, creating different and unique accessories for ladies to adorn their hair with that aren’t the typical ones you buy at Walmart or Claires or wherever. Of course I started out with an etsy shop and did farmers markets and craft shows for the latter half of 2011.

I quickly found out that it is way easier to fail than succeed in this business. There are thousands, if not millions of sellers on Etsy. What could possibly make me special and stand out?


The farmers markets and craft shows were a wonderful lesson in figuring out who my demographic is, and what your story is. And unless you have a well versed story, then people aren’t going to buy your stuff. They are going to settle for the cheap, made in China crap at the booth across from yours. Lesson learned.

But back to what Jude and the Walrus is.

Through trial and error, thinking, dreaming, failure and prayer, I’ve decided that I want this to be something more than just a few felted hair clips. I want this to be MY STORY displayed through the things I love, the things I’m good at, the things I’m not so good at, the things I struggle with, and the people around me who teach me.

What I don’t want this to be is a place where I find self-glorification. Where I find validation. As much as I want and many a time allow the things around me to become my identity, it simply can’t.

Because the only reason I am any kind of good that I am is because of The Creator.

No, I am not going to overwhelm my posts with religious talk and platitudes, nor will I dislike you if you believe something different than me. But I do love God, and that will just simply have to come out from time to time.

What kinda stuff will be posted here at Jude and the Walrus?

Everything! I am a women of many passions. I will share house projects, pictures I take, things that I make that will be for sale on my etsy, recipes, weddings that I get to coordinate, songs that I write, music that I like, funny stories about my family life, lessons learned throughout the week, contests, other blogs organizations I support, friends and people that I love, etc.

My goal (and please keep me to this) is to post something everyday.

I really want you to be apart of this. Comments and conversations are welcome and encouraged (Disclaimer: if you are a spammer or a jerk who likes to start trouble for the sake of trouble and division, then I will remove your comments…but I won’t be a jerk back).

Well, finally. The first post is done. And it only took me 24 days to summon the courage to write it.