Break All My Bones Part 3: He Doesn’t Just Tolerate Me.

I love Abram.

I’m not in love with his potential.

I’m ┬ánot in love with the idea of a better Abram.

I’m not in love with the thought of his future maturity.

I just love Abram, more than can be explained in words. Whether he is destroying the house or being a tiny gentleman.

I love him even when he pokes me in the eye with one of his toy dinosaurs and makes me go blind for a few moments.

I love him even when I have had barf, poop, pee and snot on my at the same time before 9 am.

I ┬álove him when he reaches for a hug and says “momma,” and I love him when I ask him to come to me and he defiantly says “nope.”

These are all obvious things.

Why, then, do we cheapen the gospel and God’s ferocious and unexplainable love for us by trying really hard to be better and avoiding God when we fail?

God doesn’t tolerate me in the hopes that one day I will put my big girl pants on and get my shit together.

He loves me, even though I am constantly putting my foot in my mouth.

He loves me, even though I verbally and mentally crucified someone two nights ago, and repented in devastation yesterday morning upon learning about that persons situation.

He loves me on the days that I wake up and everything is beautiful and bright.

He loves me on the days that I wake up and feel dark, angry and depressed for no explainable reason.

He loves me even though I can’t seem to be a better stuart with my money.

He loves me, even when he nudges my soul each day to come talk to him, and I respectfully decline.

He loves me when I have a day that I’m not worshiping my idols.

He loves when I go through several days of refusing to surrender my idols.

Every imperfection on my face- He loves me.

Every hair that falls out from stress- He loves me.

Every body part that I wish I had more or less of- He loves me.

When my sinuses are infected and I am in incredible pain- He loves me.

He loves me when I serve and encourage my husband humbly.

He loves me when I make our marriage all about me.

He loves me on the days that I am super mom.

He loves me even after I have completely failed at being a mother.

He loves me, even though I can be so terrified of the world that I can’t seem to unlock my front door and step out.

He loves me when courage abounds.

When I’m dealing with my past, and feel like I might die from my heart giving out on me- He loves me.

When my bones are being broken, one by one- He loves me.

As he sets them back together and wraps them up- He loves me.

He loves to watch me heal.

He loves to see the gospel transform my life.

He loves to receive the worship that comes out of this new and changing heart.

He loves me.

Holy Sanctification Process Batman, What the Crap is Happening?

What an insane 24 hours it has been. We all know one of the reasons why, and for the sake of all of our sanity, I won’t talk politics.

Last night my son woke up at around 3:45 in the morning. Typically when this happens, something spiritually fishy is going on, but I was drugged up on NyQuil, so Daniel handled it.

I woke up this morning to my phone being blown up with texts about friends in the hospital. Seizures, brain bleeds, emergency open heart surgery, respiratory infections…. THE WORKS!

How quickly God can put into perspective what is most important.

How quickly God can remind us of WHO is actually in charge.

Today has been physically and emotionally exhausting, but spiritually I feel SO ALIVE. I feel like my church family is suffering together, and suffering well. I haven’t really realized, until today, how much we love each other. It’s incredible and perhaps a snapshot of what heaven will be like (without the pain, tears, and weird hospital socks).

As wounded soldiers who are having to get their broken bones set and bandaged up, we are all leaning on each other for help, and it may be one of the most humbling and amazing times of my life.

If you are of the kind that prays, pray for Church On The Way. Pray for endurance, rest, strength, courage, hope and faith.

God is walking with us through the valleys.


Grace, Love and Suffering

If someone were to ask me to describe the gospel in three short parts, this is how I think I would describe it. I decided to make a graphic for it to look at all the time, reminding me that I really do need the gospel every single day.

If I could get these words or something similar tattooed to my eyelids so that I would be able to see them when I woke up and immediately begin to pray for these things, I would. Starting the day off with completely surrendering to Jesus everything I want and know and feel ABSOLUTELY makes a difference in how my day goes, whether it’s a rough day or not. It shapes my thoughts, actions and feelings for the whole day, and I am overall more aware of the holy spirit and what he is saying.

Not sure what this kind of prayer looks like? Here’s how mine usually goes.


I surrender today.

Right now, I die to my desires, my opinions, my control, my ________.

Show me Your grace that you have for me today, and help me to accept it.

Give me the love I need to love the people around me today, and give me the courage to open up my mouth and have conversations.

I don’t want to suffer, but I know that suffering is a part of this whole deal. You tell me in your word that suffering is essential to my relationship with Jesus, for my growth, and ultimately for my good, so help me to understand that and find comfort and rest in you and joy that you are working out all the garbage in this life. When I experience pain and grief, be there with me.

Thank You so much for being my Father. I love you.


Over Atlantic City

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