Music

Bus Ride

Fight For Joy 2012

I know it’s been almost 2 weeks, but I’m still here- promise! I don’t even know where to begin, so I’ll see if I can get everything out in an orderly fasion.

Last week I had a wonderful time spending 5 whole days with an amazing group of people. My good friend and former pastor, Jesse Carbo, asked me a few months ago to come and lead worship for the Cross Pointe Orlando youth group in Panama City Beach.  I love how every time I imagine in my head what an event will be like, it always turns out to be so much better. It only proves that God delights in doing us good.

The few days prior to leaving for camp were awful. I shared in a previous post about Abram’s high fevers and my realizations of deep rooted idols. It was a perfect time to get away and be renewed, and that is exactly what happened.

I’m not gonna lie- I was kinda terrified for a few minutes after Daniel dropped me off at the McDonald’s where I was getting picked up. I walked in to 60 teenagers and had no idea what to do with myself. It had been a while.

Once we got to the retreat center in Panama City Beach, things started to roll really fast. I had the pleasure of leading worship with BENJAH all week, and we started rehearsing right away. I hadn’t been in the position of leadership over others in a while as far as music goes, and it was really cool to see how far God has taken me from where I used to be. I feel like two years ago, all of the sound issues and the non-chemistry between musicians would have ruined my week. But we got passed frustrations and let God work, and HE DID. Holy crap.

The first night was incredible. We opened up with “How He Loves” and the whole room was filled with beautiful voices worshiping a mighty God. The Holy Spirit created such an intense atmosphere of unabashed praise and humility, that I wasn’t able to sing at moments. To say it was incredible would be an understatement.

I got to know some of these teenagers and adults so well in a very short period, which made it quite the bitter- sweet experience. What I appreciated so much about these adults was that they were not quick to create some kind of manipulative formula that contrived an emotional response out of the kids. They just let the Holy Spirit lead and speak through them, and the kids broke down and came face to face with their struggles and idols on their own. The typical spirit of guilt was replaced with a deep feeling of relief, which created a beautiful bond and harmony amongst everyone.

God was working on me as well. He rejuvenated my heart and opened my eyes back up to my identity, which is solely placed in Him. I feel like Megan again, and not some soul-less robot that checks a list off every day. He also re-awakened my passion for music and gave me a peace about giving some other things up to be able to pursue that more and give more of myself to my family. But before I get into that hard conversation, here are some i-phone snapshots from last week.

My face looks so round in this picture…

Our tiny dining room.

2xl means a new sleep shirt. Thanks Jesse.

All I ever want.

Our cabin smelled like wet towels and candy body spray. I wouldn’t have camp any other way.

Our cabins had Bible names. Silly Christians.

Our one trip off campus to eat all of the fried chicken.

Liz, Amanda, Becca and James. Good people.

This started a tribal riot.

It got wild.

Knuckles up.

My french fries landed this way when I poured them out, and at the end of an exhausting trip, everything is awesome (also, my husband just reminded me of a public profession I made to never eat McDonald’s again in a blog post…? If I did, I apologize. It was our only option).

Best lesson of the week: Jesus is enough. Jesus is more than enough. Rest.

Best quote of the week: “Shallow Ho’s!” -Katie

Best dancer: Little Geoff. Hands down.

Best worship song: a toss up between Like an Avalanche and Give Me Faith.

For those of you that regularly read this blog, I’ll probably be talking about what God did in my life last week for the next couple of days. I’ve got an announcement coming up, but I’ll wait until later this week to announce it, so that the anticipation grows and makes you crazy. You’re welcome.

 

Music Monday: Who I Am

So as I’ve shared recently, running (or trying to run) has been a mountain I’ve been trying to conquer. When viewed with the right lenses and for the right reasons, health is really important to me. Unfortunately, we all know how difficult it is to keep our sights set on why we need to be healthy in the first place.

For me, I am not able to successfully be healthy if my goal is to make myself happy or to please Daniel. I have always and will forever fail if those two reasons are why I do anything. It just proves so hard how human I am. When I am able to believe that striving for healthy living is for God and his glory, then the success comes. Again, it’s difficult.

Some days I’ve truly got it. And some days I don’t feel God and I’d rather sit on the couch and eat an entire bag of Pirates Booty.

An album, and more specifically a certain song reminds me of why I do anything in the first place, and helps me see myself differently.

Life In Your Way’s Kingdoms, which is an album comprised of three EP’s (The Kingdom of Man, The Kingdom of Darkness and The Kingdom of God) , is something you NEED to listen to, especially if you are into melodic hardcore. But even if you’re not, give it a listen.

My favorite EP of the three part album is The Kingdom of God. On there is a song called “Who I Am”… and good grief.

It’s funny, because every time I’m running and contemplating giving up, this song starts playing through my Nike running app. It’s starts off with an intense, “THIS IS WHO I AM…” You know in Super Mario Kart, those question marks you run into that sometimes give you a super boost and you blast by all of the other guys? That’s what happens to me when this song comes on. It somehow gives me the power to believe who I really am, versus who I’ve made myself out to be in my own mind.

He doesn’t see what I see, He doesn’t see what you see.
He sees my destiny and calls me to be a son.

I seriously get teary eyed every time I reach this part of the song. You know why this is motivating? Because it’s true. And even though I don’t quite understand fully what God sees in me, I know He sees it. I’m so grateful because if my worth was solely left up to me, well then I would just be a sad girl all the time.

This is going to sound stupid and girly, but it also helps me get past what I see in the mirror. Like it or not, we all have issues with what stares back at us. You could have a slammin’ hot bod, and still find something that unsettles you. No matter how much physical beauty we think we’ve accomplished, it is just never enough. Most of the time, I feel like the grossest person ever. I could name off at least 20 things I’d have different on my body. Now, hear me. This is not a call for shallow compliments, because that will never be what satisfies my soul. And please don’t tell me how I just have to “love myself.” I refuse to trade in the sin of self-loathing for the sin of pride. It’s a battle most of us (both men and women) will fight every day, and we could blame it on all kinds of things. Media, childhood, food, friends, etc.

But the reality is, He sees none of that crap. He sees what He has made, what He is cultivating, and ultimately what He will finish. That pushes me. That gives me that last shred of energy to go one more mile. That allows me not to look in the mirror and smile, but to walk passed it completely and not even worry about it. It helps me choose to love others, even when they severely piss me off. It gives me the strength I desperately need to be a better wife, mom and person.

This is who I am, by the power of the risen death and what You’ve done.
This is who I am, all I’ve been and who I’ve become.